Dear Clive, I have done my best today to just remember all our happy memories, but I think back to a year ago at this time, it’s 8.30 pm and Lesley and Jason had already gone home to let their own families know that you had left us. I felt so useless that I could do nothing for them, I was just so stunned, I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. How could you never be coming home to me. I know I wandered around the house talking to myself, I ended up in your bedroom imagining you still there sitting up in bed. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but the next day I was having to make arrangements for your funeral. Lesley and Jason came round and even though it seemed to be happening to someone else we tried to organise our thoughts and get on with what we thought you would like. It was 6 weeks before we could have your funeral and in a way we were grateful for that time because we could visit you every day, see you, talk to you and just hold your hand. We were in a kind of limbo after your funeral because we couldn’t come to see you anymore, you were really gone and part of me went with you. We even made plans for our 50th wedding anniversary, it’s on a Friday this year, we were going to have a lovely family diner at Miller and Carter then on the Saturday we had planned to go away for a week, here in England, you said you loved the holiday we had in Oxford and that we should go back again to see some more of it. It was to be the honeymoon we never had (we only had a week in Liverpool in my Mam’s box room and in a single bed) but we were young and nothing mattered except being together at that time. I hate it that we couldn’t have fulfilled the dreams we had. We never really thought one of us could ever leave the other. I still can’t accept that you are not here. I know that I see you in my dreams but I can never really remember what they were about when I wake up. I miss you doing the school runs, odd jobs around the house, helping with dinner, making me a coffee, having a moan to you, just talking or sitting quietly together watching TV. I am devastated and I don’t think there will ever come a time when this will get any easier. When I send anyone a birthday card or Xmas card it is so hard to just sign it from Anne and Family, it just doesn’t feel right. I love reading the letters we sent to each other in the early days, I am so glad I kept them all these years. I need to go now Clive, it’s getting harder to see what i am writing. Just know that I loved and love you so very much, my life will never be the same, no matter how many years go by. Love always from Anne 💔💔💔💔💔😘😘😘