Dear Clive, I can’t believe it has been a month since I last wrote to you. Time passes me by so quickly these days, half the time I’m in a trance and I have to tell myself to concentrate on what I’m supposed to be doing. Thoughts of you and the life we had together are running round in my head every day and night, especially at night when I’m on my own. I’ve put up the Christmas tree and most of the decorative ornaments that you bought over the years but I find no joy really in looking at them. They just remind me over and over that you won’t be here to see them, or listen to them. Max put on your Christmas hat last Sunday and when I heard the music and words playing, time stood still for me as I pictured you wearing it, I had a really good cry in the kitchen. I got your reindeer this year for out in the garden, I know you always wanted one so that is my Christmas present to you, I only wish you could be here to see it all lit up. Lesley is right in saying that we no longer look forward to Christmas, it was the best time of year for you but this year you’re not here, my heart is so sore and broken. I got the decorations out only for you because I know you loved this time of year. I also wish it was this time last year. Knowing what I know now I would never have let you go outside, maybe then you would have still been here with us. Time is not the great healer that it’s made out to be. I feel more wretched now than when I first lost you. I still can’t accept that you’re not here, it’s a weird feeling but I can still sense you here in the house. Lesley suggested that we put your Christmas hat on top of your memorial teardrop, which I did, it made us both smile a little. Christmas morning without you here is going to be so very difficult for me. We always opened our presents together. Last Christmas doesn’t count because you were in hospital, and I don’t really remember much about that day although I do remember us all having a video link with you. We couldn’t even all be together last year. I don’t think I will ever look forward to Christmas again, it will only ever be a reminder of Christmas’s in the past, which we all took for granted. I’m so sorry that I never appreciated you more when you were here, never told you enough how much I loved you. Oh Clive my world is shattered, I can’t describe this awful painful feeling I have inside of me. Sending cards and wishing people a Merry Christmas is only going to be an extra chore for me this year and every year because I really don’t feel like wishing people a Merry Christmas, not when we will all be missing you so much. I count the days since you left us, it is slowly creeping towards a year. A year that has been so stressful in many ways. I love you so much and I miss you more than words can say. You are in my thoughts every single day. I love you. 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 Anne.