Dear dad, I’ve been thinking about you so much and guess what… I still can’t believe you are not here. I feel like it’s ages since I’ve seen you and spoke to you but I still feel like it’s not real. When I’m driving I get thoughts in my head which are hard to describe. It’s like I’m on my way to see you then I get a real thump in my heart that I can’t actually do that any more. The pain is indescribable. It’s a strong deep thump in my tummy. And it rises right up to my throat. It’s so hard to write these messages. What I would give to see you again. I’m having a good cry tonight. I can’t hold it in. After all this time I don’t think I’ve released the tears that are flowing right now. There’s always someone around or a text goes. Or the phone rings. I’ve needed this big cry. Don’t laugh, but I’m in the bathroom away from everyone because my emotions are all over the place, and I like a good cry on my own. This time last year we could visit you at the chapel of rest. It was very very hard to see you resting. But I’m so grateful to be able to. At least we still got to see you. Now we can’t. And the pain is awful. Where ever you are maybe one day show us a sign that you are ok. That would be lovely right now. Anyway, keep shining bright dad. I love and miss you very much. All my love Lesley 💔💙💔💙💔💙💔💙💔💙💔xxxxxxxxxx