Dear Clive, it’s been such a long time since I last wrote to you, I feel guilty about that but we have our little talks and hugs every night. It’s Xmas Eve again, our second without you here but our third one of not being with you. I’m going to miss you taking photos of me opening presents tomorrow as I did the previous two years, we always took photos of each other and had a laugh together. I’ve got the pictures to prove it. I’m filled with sadness every day since we lost you, yes I can laugh and talk with anyone but that sadness is always in the background. It churns me up inside, there are days that I can’t bear to think of never seeing you again. Never hearing your Mutley laugh that was so infectious you made everyone else laugh. I was looking at some of your videos last week and enjoying having a laugh just seeing you laugh, that was until I watched the two of us dancing to our song that was videod one New Years Eve, as it came to an end I don’t know why but I really broke down, it just happens like that, out of the blue. This feeling of loss will never go away, I must think of you many, many times each day and I still feel your presence here with me. I sometimes wake up in the night to get up and see if you are alright, like I used to when you were here, then to suddenly realise that you are no longer in the next room tears my heart out. We made a great team together. Our life was good most of the time, I somehow thought that would go on forever but cruel fate had to take a hand and you are gone. Lesley looks after me well all of the time, she takes Rocky out every day, he really looks forward to seeing her, he gets so excited. You would love him if you were here just as we do. He has a lot of presents for Xmas from me and Lesley, we treat him like a child. He has been such a comfort to me this past year, I would probably have gone completely round the bend here on my own. He makes more work for me in the house, I’m knackered by time I’ve shook all of his towels and hoovered up all of his hair every day but he is worth all of the extra work he makes for me. I’m going away with Anne again next year to Italy, I’m looking forward to it and you will be with me in my heart and mind every day just like you are at home. I missed you so much at Robbie’s wedding, half of me was missing. You can have lots of people around you yet still feel alone. I always look for you before realising you’re not there anymore. There really are no words Clive to explain how much I miss you. It was 53 year ago on 20th December that we first met and I can remember it as if it were yesterday. We’d only known each other 11 weeks before we got engaged on 7th March 1970. Just over 2 years later we were married. I often think back to our younger days now, before Lesley and Jason came along. Just having a walk hand in hand, or you meeting me from work (making all of my mates jealous). Sitting in the back row of the cinema so we could kiss and cuddle, strolling together around a park, simple things that made me love you more and more. I wish every day that you were still here to hold in my arms again. My heart feels as if it’s about to burst it hurts so much. I will still keep remembering all the love we shared throughout your lifetime and the love I have for you will never die. Tomorrow is Xmas day and we will all try to enjoy it and get through it by all of us just being together and coping, remembering you especially. I’m missing you so much Clive. I hope you are with all our heavenly family on Xmas day and that you look down on us and always watch over us.