Dear Clive, well first of all I have to say it has been a really hard, emotionally draining day for me today. I have been cleaning windows, cleaning the settees with clothes to clean the leather, I even managed to get the covers and cushions back on. Then I started on more Christmas decorations, putting lights up the stairs, cleaning mirrors to decorate them, and lots more. But everything was done through bouts of tears, getting things out of boxes, seeing the things that you bought, I really can’t take much more. Facing Christmas without you is going to be so hard for everyone, I just wish it was over and done with, but then I think, no, Christmas was special to you and you would want us to enjoy it. Looking around me now the living room looks like a grotto. I really missed you when we went to Ruxley to see Santa. I kept expecting to turn round and see you there as always. At one stage I forgot you weren’t here and I was looking for you, I thought I was going mad. I’m really missing you more every day Clive, half of me is missing, I love you so much. This pain in my heart just won’t go away. I have your snowman lantern by the front window, you never got to see him did you? I can’t remember if I told you, Lesley came and helped put all the lights up on the windows and outside the front, they look really lovely all switched on, it breaks me in two that you can’t be here to see them all. Whenever I remember that last day in the hospital, I just could not believe that you were actually going to leave me, I see you breathing so slowly, me holding your hand, but I never get any further than that. It just seems surreal. But then you left. I wish every day for you to come back to me. No words are enough to tell you how much I love you. I hope you are up there somewhere, I need to believe that. Love you Clive. 😘😘😘😘😘😘💔❤️💔❤️💔❤️💔