Dear dad, it’s 1st December. The month I’ve been dreading. Last year you bought all the grandchildren an advent calendar. You took the money from your savings. You spent £60 on them. You bought expensive ones. They were lovely. The kids loved them. I didn’t buy any this year. The kids said let’s use the wooden Santa from when they were little. The one where you put chocolates in a drawer, which is numbered. I was so pleased because I couldn’t face buying them from the shop, because you bought their last ones. That’s what I want to remember, forever. I’m even more tearful now, than before. It should be a great time of the year, but it’s not. It’s sad. I’m trying so hard to be normal for everyone. Gee whizz I may become an actress the way it’s going! I should be getting into the Christmas mood but I just can’t…. I’m trying too. I don’t want to be upset all the time because I know you wouldn’t want me too. But I can’t control my feelings. It’s so hard. This is going to be such a hard month. It’s nearly a year ago that you got Covid. It’s nearly a year ago that I called the ambulance. I keep getting flash backs to that day, that awful day you left home. The days you were in intensive care, mum getting calls from doctors and having to explain to Jason and I. The zoom calls and then Xmas, and new year. It’s been the worst time ever. We are never going to get over what’s happened. The month of December is going to be hard. Then it’s going to be harder in January. Your birthday then the 12th. My stomach aches so much thinking about that date. I know we have to deal with these dates and occasions but it’s not easy. It’s heartbreaking. Every day is. You are really missed and you leave a big hole in everyone’s hearts. I love and miss you so much. I love you dad. Love Lesley 💔💙💔💙💔💙💔💙💔💙💔💙💔💙💔xxxxxxx